while i'm still young

I can’t write a song and dedicate it to you

I can’t paint your face and hang it on the wall

Nor can I name a star after you

Forgive me, but this is all I can do.

I may not like the music you like

I may not watch the movies you watch

I may hate you some times

But I’ll always be here for you.

I’ll laugh with you until you cry

I’ll cry with you until you smile

I’ll listen to you when things mess up

I’ll drink with you until we get drunk

I’ll take care of you no matter what

I may not be what you want me to

I may not say the right words at the right time

I may not be believe in what you believe in

But I’ll stay beside you and your dreams

And when I’ve lived my own dreams

Maybe then, I’ll be able to write you a song,

Or paint your many faces

Maybe then, I’ll be able to teach you about the stars

But I’d rather sit with you

I’ll listen to whatever music you want

I’ll watch whatever movie you choose

And just hold your hand.

And when we’re old and grumpy

I may not be able to write you a poem

But I’ll read this one to you

And tell you how much you’ve made me happy.

January 9, 2011

thank you.

what i love about you

What I love about you is that you know what you want.

You’re not perfect but you are beautiful.

What I love about you is that you’re never afraid to try

You’re not perfect but you are amazing.

What I love about you is that you are true to yourself

You’re not perfect but you are a real man.

What I love about you is that you always know how to make me smile

You’re not perfect but you are my sunshine.

What I love most about you is the way you look me in the eye

You’re not perfect but you are my kind of perfect guy.

share your light

the silence of words

You come to me and talk about her

I listen, intently and carefully

You tell me how she broke your heart

I listen, and I hear my heart breaking.

You come to me and talk about her

How much you tried

And how things messed up

And how you messed up.

You come to me and ask about him

You listen to my untold story

And I tell you how he broke my heart

And you kept quiet.

You come to me and ask about him

I tell you almost everything

And how things messed up

And how I messed up.

I come to you hoping to tell you

I’m starting to forget

Because you’ve made me too happy

Because you’ve made me forget.

But that, I can never do.

Unless you learn to forget about her too.

against all odds

friends

I can’t tell you how much you are making me happy

Cause things will be complicated

Cause I can’t risk this happiness

Because this is all I have right now

I want to tell you everything

I want to look you in the eye

Hoping you’ll also look into my eyes

And words will be superfluous

 But maybe you won’t understand

Maybe you would walk away from me

I don’t know

So I stay this way, we stay this way…

Friends.

January 10, 2011

here we go again...

unwritten

And so I wait for you to notice

Like the flickering lights

                I feel the sound of your footsteps

                As you step into my dreams, I start to put up a fight.

And each moment lingers

                With your words sublime

                I hear the silence in your eyes

                I can hurt you but you will never be mine.

And so you leave me with those broken pieces

                Like a song that was never sung

                Like a poem left undone

                Like a boy who never had the courage of a man.

And we might stay this way forever

                And I’ll miss you like the dry earth misses the rain

                And I’ll remember, and you’ll forget

                And things will never be the same again.

Nov. 27, 2009

how could you?

paglimot

Naririnig ko pa din ang tawa mo.

Daig pa ang lakas ng bulyawan ng mga sasakyan.

Nilalamon ng mga alaala ang bawat katotohanan.

Mga katotohanang nagkukubli sa masasayang alaala.

Masaya ako..

Masaya tayo.

Sandali, meron bang tayo?

Parang ako lang yata.

Nakakabingi ang pag-uusap natin sa mga mata.

Parang bangungot ang nakaraan.

Sa tuwing naaalala ko, nakakabaliw.

Nakakabaliw tanggapin ang katotohan.

Maging masaya dapat ako.

Maging masaya ka dapat sakin.

Pero, bakit ganito ang kinahantungan ng lahat?

Masamang umasa, lalong masama ang maghangad ng kapalit.

Sumisigaw ako pero wala akong marinig.

Nakakasawa din pala maging mabait.

Gusto ko nang lumayo, wag kang lumapit.

Maaari ba?

Naaamoy pa kita sa damit ko

Pero lahat kumukupas

Pati ang amoy mo sa damit ko, mawawala din.

Unti- unting maglalaho, mawawala kasabay ng paglimot.

wala na....sana.

my Zahir

My Zahir

You are my Zahir

My elusive madness.

You are my kryptonite

And yet you make me strong,

You are a dream

A never-ending dream

A nightmare,

I constantly want to have.

You are my opium

My forbidden drug.

You are…

 the poison

I always want to take.

And your love is the antidote

The antidote I never had.

you are my apple of death

 

midnight on the 6th of July

Your eyes are like labyrinths

They are cold, forgetful

They are empty, hollow

Hollow, empty.

I hear your voice

I feel a scream in my ears

A shrill sound

Almost deafening.

Was that you?

Or was it me?

Looking, hearing myself.

You consumed me too much.

I don’t blame you

Because I let you.

I want to feel your touch again

Feel the sun on my face again

Touch you .

Feel you.

I’m so alone.

Can you hear me?

I miss you.

July 6, 2010 12:13

let the sun shine and say these words...

love rhyme

You walked closer to me and I stood still

But I have always wanted to walk away

But you held my hand and I just smiled

And from then on, I always wanted to stay.

And you looked at me like no one else did

But I didn’t want to look beyond those eyes

But your eyes said everything, I just smiled again

And I felt everything will be alright.

fantasies

hide and seek

The fire trees burn my tears

Where are you?

I try to reminisce.

I try to forget.

Where are you?

The butterflies are still there…

But your words have faded

Your words that left me…

In blissful fantasy.

Your words that left me…

Hopeful but lost.

Please find yourself

And when you do,

Please find me, too. 

please be there...

dear you (part 2)

Do you still remember the day I got mad at you?

I got mad, really mad that I wanted you out of my system.

I didn’t want to talk to you or even look at you.

Even just knowing you’re there, annoys me.

I hated you like I never learned to love.

But I felt the latter first, and it was like…

No, I don’t love you like the feeling of having butterflies in your stomach.

I don’t love you like you-sweep-me-off-my-feet thing.

No, I don’t.

I don’t love you like running with heeled sandals on just to buy you medicine because you are sick.

I don’t even love you like worrying about your worries, feel sad because you’re sad.

I don’t love you the way I would take care of you because you are drunk.

I don’t love you the way I would bother buying you a gift just because I want to.

 I don’t love you the way I would intentionally forget what I have to do just to spend time with you.

I don’t love you the way I would miss lunch just so we could eat together at 3pm.

I don’t love you the way I would wake up earlier than usual just to call you and wake you up.

Sorry, but I don’t.

I don’t love you because you cared for me.

I don’t love you because you inspire me to write.

I don’t love you because you are friends with my friends.

I don’t love you because you asked me out on Valentine’s Day.

I don’t love you like the way my bones seemed to disappear when you hugged me.

I don’t even love you because of who you are.

I don’t love you because of all these things.

Sorry, but I really don’t.

I just love you, I simply do. .

I love you, just because.

September 9, 2010 (1:52am)

i do.

dear you

I won’t ask how you are or what you’ve been up to lately

I won’t even say I miss you.

I just want you to know that you…

You are one big mistake

you are a stubborn

selfish, immature person…

but I like you.

           

I like you because you smile at me even if I growl at you

I like you because you tease me like teasing was all we could do

I like you because you remind me of me and you.

You remind me of medicines and gray umbrellas.

You remind me of purple shirts and henna tattoos.

You remind me of fireworks and rollercoaster rides,

of early mornings and moonflowers,

of slim ties and playing cards.

You remind me of moonlit shadows and birthday hugs.

You are one big mistake

you are a stubborn

selfish, immature person…

but I like you.

I like you because you chose to be with me on that fateful night.

I like you because you make me remember things that never mattered before.

I like you because when I’m with you, I forget things.

I’ll always remember the way you tucked my hair behind my ears.

I’ll always remember those December fireworks and would always wish for early mornings to never cease.

I’ll always remember the way you tease me and then smile at me.

I like remembering you, remembering all the things you did, I did, we did…together.

I will always remember you and that I like you –

even though you are not aware, that I really do.

September 9, 2010 (1:36 am)

quicker than a glance, faster than a heartbeat

what is

If one knows what love is

Then one must have felt bliss

If one knows what pain is

Then one must have loved.

If one knows what hate is

Then one could have loved before

If one hated first

Then one must learn to love.

as elusive as the rose

pagkukubli

Magulo. Kumplikado. Masaya.

Di ko alam kung may patutunguhan ba.

Saan nga ba ito papunta?

Saan nga ba dapat ito mapunta?

Malabo. Kulang. Masaya.

Alam mo ba kung anong gusto mo?

Nakakahilo ang ganito.

Itigil na natin ito, pwede ba?

Mahirap.

Nababalot tayo ng mga pagkukunwari.

Natatabunan ng kasinungalingan ang katotohanan.

Ano ba talaga tayo?

Nakakasakal.

Sino ka?

Sino ako?

Sino tayo sa isa’t isa?

Mali.

Hindi mo ako hawak.

Hindi ka din naman naging akin.

Hindi ko na din naman gustong mapa-sayo pa.

Mahalaga ka.

Pero wala na itong halaga

Mahal kita.

Noon.

Dati yun.

malamig. magulo. parang tayo.

monotony

If you were an obsession

I’d write you a novel

The story would be redemptive

A best- seller.

But I doubt that I still have

My heart you’ve stolen

The love that was conceived

And grew in summer mornings

I love you like the spark of amber

I tell you this as a sacred pledge

I love you but I remain unnoticed

I love you in silence, in madness.

I crossed the thread of pain

And died in the process

My heart fled and you caught it

Like cigarette smoke, sublime yet elusive

You had me, my love so genuine

So pure that even I was purified

But you just let me slip

I fall with the crowns of hurt

I surrender, I fall like the broken pieces of a wine glass

I cry like beer being poured out

Life is existence

But life is absence without love

I owe you this bliss

Like a debt I could never pay

But I forget you and try to empty my puny heart

Leave me, will you?

to where you are..

just like Shakespeare's Love

I speak of loneliness, of emptiness

If life is a novel, what then is the climax of mine?

In which part does the reader cry?

In which part does the reader smile?

If life is a painting, what does mine look like?

Does it seem bleak? Abstract? Emblematic ?

If life is a road, where would I choose to go?

Do I follow the signs? Or do I get lost along the way?

I speak of longing, of angst

If I were a bird, I will not chase the world

I’d choose to stay where you are

If I were a pen, I will not write about love

I’d tell you how much I hurt,

If I were a river, I will not run towards the ocean

I would always run to wherever you are.

If life is a poem and you are the words,

Listen. You are immortalized.

July 6, 2010 11:53

we are like fleeting bubbles...

diwa

Itinutulak ka ng mga pangarap mo,

Habang hinihila naman ako ng mga ito

Gusto kong lumipad…lumaya.

Suablit saan, saan pupunta?

Malayo ka na at kasabay ng paglayo mo,

Ang paglimot at paghilom ng mga sugat

Masakit, sinong bang hindi masasaktan?

Marahil nga, mali ito mula sa simula pa.

Naiwan ako, wala na din akong magagawa.

Ayokong makalimot pero kailangan

Ayokong umiwas pero nararapat

Mas makabubuti din ito para sa ating dalawa.

Huwag ka sanang bumalik

Dala ang mga salitang binitiwan mo minsan

Kinalimutan ko na din iyon, naligaw na sa isipan ko

Sana maligaw ka na rin sa utak ko, walang katapusang pagkaligaw.

lumipad. maligaw. mawala.

anonimity

And they’re almost always together

When the sun rises from the horizon

I smile and he smiles at me

And I loved him since that 20^th of June.

And they made each other’s life a little brighter

The sunlight escapes just to kiss the pure white roses

I laugh and he laughs with me

And July was filled with dreams and wishes.

And he just made her happy each day

The sea wraps its arms around the shore

They were the warmest I’ve ever felt

And the 31^st of August was no more.

And she thought everything would stay as bright

Then came the rain, the sun waved goodbye

He smiled and her tears betrayed her

And the saddest September passed by.

And life was a little complicated

The leaves fell down and got blown by the wind

She glances back and he was left behind

And October fed the frailties of her mind.

it has been a long journey