Waiting

In that moment, her life didn't flash back the way she thought it would.
She only saw his face; the lonely dimple on his left cheek, the scar on his temple,
the troubles she felt in his skin, the misery and mystery in his touch that made her shiver. She longed to see him again. She wanted to look into his eyes again -- those lonesome eyes that rarely stared at her because he was afraid that their connection has transcended friendship but he cannot call it love. They talked side by side, staring at the ground or their hands, their feet, and sometimes into the distance that reminded them of the kind of relationship they have -- deep and complex, unplanned but inevitable. 

As she lay there, every memory that flooded her mind was of him. She used to call him 'love' and he would respond by calling her name. She remembered his laugh -- how its sound washed away years of melancholy, how it tore up walls she had built so high, how it sometimes sounded lonely, how it made them forget that what they have can neither be told nor obliterated as they pleased. He was unsure, unprepared. Whenever he touched her, he would retreat, like a soldier terrified of the battlefront. She reminded him of dreams he couldn't quite understand, while he was the dream she always drew up in her mind. Yet she was also afraid to touch him. The way his skin felt against hers was oblivion. And oblivious is not in her nature. She remembers everything that is why it is so hard for her to forget.

She lay there, alone, like she used to before he came. She didn't want to die but she felt like dying -- waiting felt like dying. When will he come back?

Tonight Part 1

You sit next to me tonight, quiet. I look at your hands, your fingers, your shoes - flat and steady against the ground. I look at your face as you look into the distance. I ask you, "Is it ok how we are right now?" "What do you mean," you reply. I look down.

"How do you see us five years from now?", you ask. I keep my silence. We are walking now. 

"Different...and a little bit the same," I answer after we crossed the street. "What do you mean?", you ask again. I know you know what I mean. "I hope we change," I say. "We will, definitely," you reply. You sound so sure. We're now sitting by the street.

I look at you, glance is the right word. We are quiet again. "Do you know what I fear most?", I ask while trying to remember your face as I stare at the ground. "Death?", you answer. "No," I say. "Me neither," you interrupt. 

"Betrayal," I finally answer while trying to compose myself. "Tomorrow, you're gonna leave me."

You're quiet now. You look at me. You stare into my face as you hold my hand. "I don't like goodbyes," you say after a long, crippling silence. 

"But this is goodbye."

- Aug. 6, 2017

It was

I wouldn't call it flying or falling
It was a natural high

You matched my steps
I watched you stall
You trip, I fall

We called it "we"
Sparks to fire, stone to gold
Lightning to storms

We took off our masks
I spoke your name
You did the same

If poems are written
And songs are sung
How do they end?

I pause, you stop
How did we start?
Where have we gone?

I was your heart
You were my home.

Fourth

We started like fire, it melted our bodies

Our eyes, lips burned

Our minds swirled with the smoke

We ended up in ashes, scattered to oblivion

We were together but we were free.

The lights went out sooner than we expected

The fire died along with the fantasies

But I had faith and you had courage

In our world, it was all we needed

And uncertainties didn't matter.

We started again like water,

Like blood rushing out of our veins

Smoothly, slowly, painfully.

We became comfortable with the uncomfortable

it's a kind of love we couldn't forget or resist

So we left it all to fate.

- April 22, 2017

Wanderers

My skin against your lips

My hips against your arms

Your fingers running down my spine

My darling, we've crossed the line

I wonder as you talk

While you wander in my mind

My heart skips, stops, skips

Some answers don't have questions

Some questions need not be asked

I want you to kiss me when we're quiet

And miss me when we're not

The long wait isn't over

That road is still ahead of us

Tell me darling, how do we even start?

You turn your face against mine

I turn my back

These are times I wish I could

But I can never go back

Some hearts make a fool of itself

Some fools are meant to break hearts

I want you to look for me when you're lonely

And love me when you no longer are.

- Jan. 21, 2017

leave me while I still remember you