Noir

The shadows dance in the dark

As light creeps into the fissures of their souls;

The mist outside gives them courage

And masks are cast off as defenses shatter on the floor.

They revel in their solitude;

They drown with their inhibitions,

Breathing in every moment

That makes them feel secure.

From fumes to wispy clouds,

The outlines of the shadows blur.

There is only haze now.

There is nothing more.

Jen 11.18.2024 

Still

 You are

coffee and sunshine,

waves and moon rise,

prose and rhymes.

You are

my winds and tides, 

my refuge and solace,

my daydreams and lullabies.

Your smile is reverie;

Your heart is obsidian;

Your touch is wildfire.

I shall partake in your sorrows,

And your happiness shall also be mine.

- Jen (Feb. 14, 2022)

Untitled

I love you like the ripples that form in your coffee when you blow on it; like wind and waves, always moving in the same direction.
I love you as if this is the first time I've loved; like I was meant to fall as a raindrop falls straight to the ground.
I love you like unfinished or incomplete sentences, like misplaced punctuations or inappropriate pronouns.
I love you along with the existential perplexities of our youth, the questions and answers to life.
In a parallel universe, in another lifetime, I am still yours. I will love you for as long as I can.

05/08

Mga Tulang Walang Pamagat at Hindi ko Sinulat 4.0

Di mapigil ang luhang laan,
Pagkat ikaw ay di matantanan.
Sa gabing walang alam kundi pait,
Alaala mo ang tanging gumuguhit.
Sa liwanag na pinagkakait,
Hiling ng puso'y isusulit.
Makabalik sana sa oras ng tagpuan,
At tiyak na di ka pakakawalan.
Kaysa sa pagitan ng oras na bilang.
Masakit man ay makasama ka lamang.

March 20 12:46am

(DRA)

Mga Tulang Walang Pamagat at Hindi ko Sinulat 3.0

Alas singko, bumangon ang isip,
Kunyari ay puno ng ligalig.
Alas sais nang umalis,
Iisa ang alam na nais.

Alas siyete sumabay sa kampana,
Paghihintay di na alintana.
Alas otso nagsimulang dumungaw,
Pinipigilan ang sarili na humiyaw.

Alas nuebe na ngunit walang masabi,
Tanging alok isang tasang kape.
Mga unang bigkas sapit nang alas diyes,
Tanging hiling ay walang umalis.

Alas onse nang tuluyang sumuway,
Tila mga alon ng dagat na walang humpay.
Ayaw paawat kahit alas dose,
Ikaw lang, kahit walang umuwi.

Ala una nang tamaan,
Sitwasyon na kay hirap takasan.
Ngunit ayaw patinag kahit alas dos,
Walang ibang iniisip pano ilulubos.

Sa alas tres pinupuno ng ngiti,
Ang alaalang baon pauwi.
Alas kwatro nang iwaksi ang oras,
Nagkukunwaring di na ito lilipas.

Heto't pumatak ang alas singko,
Tanong sa sarili kung lilisan nako.
Ayaw bumitaw na tila walang bukas,
Patuloy mong hagkan nang di makaalpas.

Alas singko nang bumagsak ang araw,
Hihiling na sana bukas, sana lagi, ikaw.

-March 18, 6pm

(DRA)

Mga Tulang Walang Pamagat at Hindi ko Sinulat 2.0

Madalas nais na lamang kalimutan,
Pagtatagpong pinagmulan.
Sabi sa sarili'y di na lilingon,
Ngunit heto ang puso'y hinahamon.

Bakit patuloy na lumalapit?
At isip sinusubukan ipihit?
Bakit pinipigilan matapos ang araw?
At sinusulit ang bawat tanaw?

Bakit ang gabi'y mabagal lumipas?
At mga tala'y nais kunin sa taas?
Bakit ang diwa'y laging wala?
At nahahanap na nasa iyong tabi pala?

Bakit tuloy ang dungaw sa kawalan?
At nagbabaka sakaling masulyapan?
Bakit tulala't naglalayag sa hangin?
At sa gunita ikaw ay akin?

Bakit walang humpay ang tanong?
Ngunit di malaman kailan susulong?
Tunay nga bang pahihirapan?
Nang damdamin na gustong suklian?

- March 18 12:11pm

(DRA)

Mga Tulang Walang Pamagat at Hindi ko Sinulat 1.0

Ang liwanag na tagos sa salamin,
Di mapigil lubos aminin.
Hinihintay ang muling pagsilip,
Nang pagkakataong ika'y mahagip.

Binibilang mga hakbang mula sayo,
Nagtatanong saan itutungo.
Kumpas ng ngiti tanging kailangan,
Wala mang sagot na umabot sa katanungan.

Mga kamay ay patuloy nanlalamig,
Pilit inaabot pagkat iyo ang ibig.
Mga talang nangingibabaw sa langit,
Kapantay ay damdaming nagngingitngit.

Mga salita sa bibig ay di mawari,
Di mahalaga hangga't ika'y mananatili.
Sa bawat dampi ng hangin sa pisngi,
Eto ako magaabang lagi't nakangiti.

Halakhak mo'y tuluyang lumamon sa paligid,
Tanging ikaw at ako ang nasa silid.
Tagos ang bawat minuto ng sandali,
Ayaw paawat, ayaw nang umuwi.

Kailanma'y di na yata magiging handa,
Sa sunod mong bisita ako'y suko na.
Ikaw, ako, at ang pagsapit ng dilim,
Di matatapos, patuloy na lalalim.

-March 12 1:15am

(DRA)

Copious

Your kisses are capricious;
Your hands are savage, your gaze is fire.
Your breath ripples in my throat as I taste your tears, as your fingers beckon for mine.

"Who are you?," you rasp.
"Where are you from?"

I count the spots and dots on your face, how the lines move and swerve.
I crave the sound of your voice; I chase your words as they leap out of your lips.

"Who are you?," I gasp.
"Where are you from?"

My skin burns against yours in a sea of strangers;
From strokes to kneads, your touch yearns for more.
I murmur your name and let it roll down your tongue;
I taste the colors of your mouth, every hue leaves me undone.

"Are you happy," you whisper.
"Are you?," I reply.

We breathe into the darkness as the night blurs the lines;
As I take what is yours, as you take what is mine.

April 4, 2019

Strangers

If, by chance, I get to meet you
as a stranger,
in a foreign land,
when the streets quiet down,
just as the night deepens and
the lights give way to stillness,
I will hold your hand.

You are everything
that I want, everything I carry
in my heart.

If I see you when
I have everything to my name,
when youth has faded
into memories and
stars burst into flames,
I will burn for you,
I will risk it all.

You are the blue to the sun,
the earth where I buried
my heart.
You are all the words I write,
I speak of;
the whims I send away
to take flight.

If I see you again
one day, someday,
I will tell you that
you are enough.
I am yours, without a doubt;
And for a thousand and one reasons,
You are loved.

Waiting

In that moment, her life didn't flash back the way she thought it would.
She only saw his face; the lonely dimple on his left cheek, the scar on his temple,
the troubles she felt in his skin, the misery and mystery in his touch that made her shiver. She longed to see him again. She wanted to look into his eyes again -- those lonesome eyes that rarely stared at her because he was afraid that their connection has transcended friendship but he cannot call it love. They talked side by side, staring at the ground or their hands, their feet, and sometimes into the distance that reminded them of the kind of relationship they have -- deep and complex, unplanned but inevitable. 

As she lay there, every memory that flooded her mind was of him. She used to call him 'love' and he would respond by calling her name. She remembered his laugh -- how its sound washed away years of melancholy, how it tore up walls she had built so high, how it sometimes sounded lonely, how it made them forget that what they have can neither be told nor obliterated as they pleased. He was unsure, unprepared. Whenever he touched her, he would retreat, like a soldier terrified of the battlefront. She reminded him of dreams he couldn't quite understand, while he was the dream she always drew up in her mind. Yet she was also afraid to touch him. The way his skin felt against hers was oblivion. And oblivious is not in her nature. She remembers everything that is why it is so hard for her to forget.

She lay there, alone, like she used to before he came. She didn't want to die but she felt like dying -- waiting felt like dying. When will he come back?