Otherwise

 I winced at chance trying to figure us out

This dour mood is just a makeshift for these anxieties

And this healthy disdain for the truth keeps me grounded

While you sweep me off my feet with your wily deeds.

While I turn head over heels with your whimsy

While you strip me of my staidness

While I catch my breath with your condescending arguments

And every other cliché out there.

We see each other in the hallway, by the door, in the elevator,

In periphery, outside the confines of our comfort zones

I don’t know what to call this exactly nor how to say or what to feel

We can actually make this into whatever we want

Without guilt or remorse; without fear or shame

But we are a mistake waiting to happen, waiting to be made

We are like two indecipherable words warily dancing around

This burning pragmatism with a sacred vow in between.

 Happy endings are as overrated as conformity  

And we are not an exception.

I won’t let this vile truth keep me from you, maybe at the least,

 Our friendship or whatever we have right now

Let me bask in your shameless flattery and saccharine deeds

And be ridiculously happy with our irrationalities

Maybe someday I’ll be drained of reasons to still want to be here

And we’ll both wake up from each other’s dreams

And blame the random nature of the universe.

just for a little while

je ne sais quoi (i know not what)

My heart flutters in this continuum of madness

How ludicrous it is for reality to be trapped

Within the realms of my prudent faith in idealism

You didn’t seem to feel like a dream

But now you do.

Your name is as elusive as you are

And my shrewd mind is as oblivious as your subtleties

I am six hundred and five days ahead of you,

Shrinking in the safeguard of a forgotten familiarity

Where were you?

In this pool of uncertainties,

I imperil my bubble with these bleak desires

Like planting a seed on a desolate ground

But who has seen forever, who assures that

Providence will be worthwhile?

After all, youth is like a fleeting memory

That reminds us to defy what shouldn’t be defied

I shall leave you wandering in the crevices of what could be

Or maybe let this folly stray to decadence

Until then, my heart will persist to flutter in this continuum of madness.

-September 20, 2012

my heart struts like a ballerina in an empty hall

The Repose

I cried for three hundred and seventy-nine days

Because I thought I wanted you to be mine

I crushed my own heart and bled for all the wrong reasons

Because I thought I needed you to call me yours

And for the longest time I’ve longed for you.

I was disposed to being incredulous;

Embraced solitude like a religion

I was a skeptic by practice and

A pessimist by profession.

But I guess I’ve punished myself for too long

For reasons that are more than you

And less than myself.

Yet life should remain as beautiful as has always been said

And as time stealthily brought back my innocence

And the naivety to have faith, to love and be loved

 Serenity finally found me like a sinner waiting

For redemption;

And I was genuinely happy.

I do not love you, not anymore

Not because I didn’t get what I want

Not because I despise you for the things you did

Or the things you failed to do…

I guess love just went the other way

I don’t need your love either

So take back what you’ve given me

Whatever that is…

I now swim in the slumber of freedom.

My heart is finally at peace.

Hoping is pretty much like loving; you should know when to stop.