I will write them wordless poems

I put the shell against my ear

I tell you I hear the ocean

Rush, huh, push and pull

Underneath, behind, beside

I knead, I need, bequeath the rational

I shall reap what is mine.

The earth is cold yet it burns like iron on a hot coal

Nothing is as it seems

Everyone regrets, everybody lies

I weep for those who cannot

 Lay on the other side...

Bare, unscathed, words on my ears, white noise in my mouth

Beckon, reckon, wreck

Hear, listen, lie, belie

I flee, a plea, I fly.

-Nov. 26, 2013

Begin yet again.

false universe

Sing me a lullaby

Until you ran out of rhymes.

Sink me in your subtle guises

Until I helplessly drown.

Feed my restlessness with

Mistakes yet to be done.

Stand by me no matter

How fragile these walls may be.

We’ll swim in all the seas,

And live off on shallow lies.

We shall drink our hearts out

Until we lose our minds,

And I shall wean away from you until

We forget that we once died.

This isn’t love, my love.

This is isn’t love.

-         -  July 26, 2013

sous la pluie

Would I be selfish if I ask for a little rain tonight?

A little nostalgia for a solitary soul,

A bit of a shower for longing,    

Little raindrops to fill the gaps,

Of immense silence, melancholy,

To last a cruel night

And not dream of somber dreams;

Would I be selfish then to ask for a little rain tonight?

Or would I be foolish to hope for this night to never end?

Id

You urged your lips to mine.

I kept my eyes closed,

I tried to breathe;

I felt your chest throbbing,

A split second of unconsciousness,

My heart bellowing, toes curling up;

You closed your eyes,

I kissed back.

Love is betrayal, insanity;

It is cunning, poisonous

Love is extreme madness

We all inevitably suffer from

It is a dangerous pursuit.

I lean closer, you breathe in

I thought I heard you say something

A whisper, a dare, an attempt;

Words that we may have

Intentionally drowned.

You kissed me back.

Love is a disease

It is doubt, a vicious trap

Love is an unexpected plunge

It is the shadow always ahead of us.

For a moment, I smiled

My hands trembling,

Our lips still in oblivion

We talked in glances,

curious of how the other felt.

We kissed and smiled,

Smiled and Kissed

It tasted like the sea

Like a rainy day on the beach

We were leaving this world,

Our bodies, our senses.

But we didn’t feel lost

We were just losing ourselves,

Losing something we both know

Was never ours.


-Sept. 25, 2013

kwarto

Hinawi mo ang kurtina at sumilip ang kakarampot

na liwanag mula sa mga nananamlay na ilaw sa labas.

Nakakatitig  ka lamang sa kung saan na tila

May inaabangan kang ni ikaw mismo hindi mo maipaliwanag.

Binuksan mo ang malaking bintana.

Tinawag kita at ika’y lumapit.

Nakahiga tayo doon na mas pagod pa ang mga isip

kaysa sa katawan.

Tumaliko ako sa’yo at niyakap mo ako.

Hindi ako umimik.

Tatlong magkakasunod na trak ang bumulyaw

At bumasag sa ingay ng mga salitang hindi

Natin masabi sa isa’t isa.

Marahil may sunog na naman sa kung saan.

Umupo ka at nagsindi ng yosi.

Sabi ko, “Wag…”

Pinutol mo iyon gamit ang dalawang

Daliri at nagsindi ulit ng bago.

Umupo ako at inagaw ang yosi mula sa iyo,

Sabay sindi nito. Hindi mo ako pinigilan.

Humiga ulit tayong parehong mabigat ang ulo.

Sabay na nakiramdam sa malamig na

Hangin na biglang nanuot sa kumot at mga unan.

Naramdaman kong uminit ang mukha ko nang pumikit ako

At hindi na kita makita sa pagitan ng

Pakiramdam at nararamdaman.

Miyerkules, ala –una y media ng medaling araw,

Itinulak kita mula sa ikalawang palapag ng mga pangarap natin

At kasabay mo akong nahulog.

At sabay tayong bumagsak…na mas buo pa kaysa nung

Una nating natagpuan ang isa’t isa.

Miyerkules, unang araw ng buwan,

Nang huli tayong nanaginip nang hindi alam

Kung kalian magigising o kung magigising pa man.

At heto tayo ngayong muli, sa kamang ito

Magkatabi, ni ayaw man lamang dalawin ng antok

O ng kahit anong pahiwatig ng paparating na umaga.

Tumayo kang muli at sinundan lamang kita ng tingin.

Lumingon ka at inabot ang iyong kamay sa akin.

Dahan-dahan din akong bumangon, nag-aalangang lumayo

Sa piling ng kama.

Hinila mo ako papalapit sa’yo at tumayo tayo doon,

Magkadikit ang mga katawan, magkahawak kamay

Na tila sasayaw.

At sabay tayong lumukso mula sa tuktok

Ng mga pangakong hindi nasabi at

Pagsuyong nabalewala

At saka kumaway ang mga kurtina, nagpaalam ang

Kwartong naging bulag na saksi sa kwento nating dalawa.

Natapos na din ang gabi

Na tangi nating pag-asa.


*May 1, 2013

pieces

Fill the empty side

Of the bed

With a crumpled

Crimson blanket and

Hopeless lucid dreaming

Fill me up

With poems

And unhappy endings

Forget how this room

Smells like

Remind me of how utterly

Inconspicuous

Your kisses were

Run your fingers against the

Unwarranted words

We once swore

Under pretenses,

Under pastel-colored umbrellas,

In this room we once shared.

                 Save(d)

May 26th

Solitude is calling out again
Whispering between the sanity and insanity
of the consciousness
A halo is hovering the dimness of my feeble mind
Concealing what's already bleak and revealing
What has always been there.

Silence is waiting to be noticed
And fears scrambling for a peaceful haven
I close my eyes and try to see
But I cannot.
Because eyes are meant to notice
not to long for what isn't there
And ears are meant to respond
and not to hear what was never said

As loneliness starts to fight for its life
Life begins its exile from the bearable,
to both the pain and sweetness of the unknown.

Solitude is calling out again
For lack of a good reason, I shall listen
But I know not when it'll stop
So I will listen until then.

temperance

The lies we tell each other are nothing

compared to the lies we tell ourselves.

We bask in insecurities, dwell with secrets,

cringe at truth and reply in vain defenses.

In a crowded room hides an empty heart

Going in circles, going in circles

Round and round, we chase

Like a box looking for its corners

Such selfish, selfish love.

To possess, to obsess, to hold what cannot be held

To wonder and wander between

Six feet under and six feet above

What could be more dangerous

Than the things we secretly want?

Nirvana

to where you are

I am writing this because I want to be reminded that I am proud to have loved you. I know I was childish back then, more immature than I am now, but you taught me things about myself. I always knew you were bound for greatness, that you are more than just good looks and that there is always this innate goodness within you despite the rude and rough mood you exude. I just might have been wrong to think that I could be the person to bring that out of you.

I am just sincerely happy that you turned out well and that you’re doing what you love. I miss you. And all the happy times we had together. And I’m saying all of this not because I’m regretful or hoping we’d get together but simply because I am genuinely proud that I believed in you and loved you more than what others just saw you for. I hope that you continue to be blessed and that love finds its way back to you again. See you soon!



sending out these balloons for you

scarlet love

I don’t think I can make you believe

That we are worth it

I never wanted to hurt anyone

I just want to be happy

But our happiness

Is someone else’s pain.

I’ll never be the person who stayed

Because I can’t

And you are the only person who can leave

Because I know she can’t

I love you.

I love you more than…

A lightyear.

Tomorrow.

Today.

Please believe like I do

Let everything fall in all the wrong places

We are meant to be lost.

As faint as our hearts,

Believe we’ll be together

Someday.

-February 17, 2013 (10:01pm)

love on the other side

somebody else's

The spaces between you

The afternoon sun

Beguiling looks on your face

Drowning in pretense

To be happy just being near you

Something’s always wrong

Lingering glances

Your solitary fingers

Reeling in my mind

I’m somebody else, your somebody else’s

Do you know what I want?

We are two empty seats

In the farthest row of the theater

Static yet profound

Overwhelmingly ignored

I don’t want us to be a great story

Just keep me up ‘til 4 in the morning

And kiss me in puns and whims

Crooked smiles, silly excuses

My terrible poetry

Your quaint retorts

Time is nothing but time

Say good morning, say good night

In a parallel universe,

I’ll love you, you’ll love me

Say goodbye.

February 17, 2012 (1:19am)

in this sea of people, drown me in your love

skylines

I wrote you

Insanely sweet letters

You’ll never be able

To read.

I talked about you

In adjectives, in puns,

In metaphors.

You greet me

With a smile,

I smile back at you.

Nothing is more unsure

Than us.

Everything lies in hopes,

In dreams that

Have long died.

You live in reality

And I desperately

want to be

a part of it,

to be a part of you.

I love you.

I tried to

Remember your face

And forget your smile.

Maybe

I’ll never be able to

But at least,

I tried.

I've always wanted to watch the skyline with you.

Dearest Darling

Dearest Love,

You were never expected but you happened

Against my better judgment,

I saw you written all over me.

Though I ardently tried to stay inside the lines

I knew then you were bound to be a halo in disguise.

How could I give up something I never had?

Between the placid and the lurid, you were a mistake;

That you’d never be more than a stranger

And my shabby heart wouldn’t find novel ways

To hurt itself yet again.

Dearest Darling,

How can we ever veer away from this mess?

Amid this hearth, we pray for a vision

To know what lies ahead and catch up with reality

We knew it was wrong but everything was obstinately blissful

 You were never really a choice; but in the end I was.

Did you ever think that I would fall into your dreams

Did you ever dream that you would fall into my arms?

Did you ever think that we could be?

In one way or another, in a world of our own

At least we were once happy.

  

 

uh-oh. not again.